6:02 pm - Fri, Oct 19, 2012
428 notes
OH! OHHHHHH. OH, MERCY. OH, THAT’S SO MUCH BETTER. I COULDN’T EVEN SIT DOWN. HOW WAS I EVER THAT SKINNY?
JUST BECAUSE IT’S STILL IN THE CLOSET DOESN’T MEAN IT FITS.
FACE IT, DANIELLE. YOUR SIZE FOUR DAYS ARE OVER.

OH! OHHHHHH. OH, MERCY. OH, THAT’S SO MUCH BETTER. I COULDN’T EVEN SIT DOWN. HOW WAS I EVER THAT SKINNY?

JUST BECAUSE IT’S STILL IN THE CLOSET DOESN’T MEAN IT FITS.

FACE IT, DANIELLE. YOUR SIZE FOUR DAYS ARE OVER.

3:21 pm
3,248 notes
HOW LONG HAS SEAN BEEN DEAD?
I HAVE NO IDEA. HE’S SO QUIET MOST OF THE TIME IT’S HARD TO TELL THE DIFFERENCE.

HOW LONG HAS SEAN BEEN DEAD?

I HAVE NO IDEA. HE’S SO QUIET MOST OF THE TIME IT’S HARD TO TELL THE DIFFERENCE.

8:37 pm - Thu, Oct 18, 2012
6,787 notes
OH, I’VE BEEN ‘RANDOMLY SELECTED’ FOR AN AIRPORT SECURITY SCREENING?
THAT’S RICH. THAT’S COMEDY GOLD RIGHT THERE, OFFICER.

OH, I’VE BEEN ‘RANDOMLY SELECTED’ FOR AN AIRPORT SECURITY SCREENING?

THAT’S RICH. THAT’S COMEDY GOLD RIGHT THERE, OFFICER.

6:00 pm
568 notes
OLIVIA, COME BACK! I’M SORRY!
I THOUGHT IT WAS A DOCUMENTARY!
…
…
… OKAY LOOK, I KNEW IT WAS A SEX MOVIE BUT I’M STILL SORRY!

OLIVIA, COME BACK! I’M SORRY!

I THOUGHT IT WAS A DOCUMENTARY!

… OKAY LOOK, I KNEW IT WAS A SEX MOVIE BUT I’M STILL SORRY!

3:01 pm
6,278 notes
DID YOU SEE BEYONCÉ’S NEW VIDEO?
OH MY GOD SHE’S SO FIERCE!
SHE’S SUPER FIERCE, RIGHT?
SO FIERCE!
I’M OUT OF VODKA TONIC!
ME TOO! BARTENDER! TWO VODKA TONICS! MAKE THEM LIKE … FIERCE!
THEN LET’S DANCE!
LET’S WAIT UNTIL THEY PLAY BEYONCÉ!
OH MY GOD SHE’S SO FIERCE!
SHE’S TOTALLY FIERCE! SO ARE YOUR SHOES. OH MY GOD, I LOVE YOUR SHOES!
I KNOW, RIGHT! I CAN’T REALLY WALK IN THEM BUT THEY’RE CRAZY SUPER FIERCE!
I LOVE THEM!
THEY COST MORE THAN MY CAR!
THAT’S SO FIERCE!

DID YOU SEE BEYONCÉ’S NEW VIDEO?

OH MY GOD SHE’S SO FIERCE!

SHE’S SUPER FIERCE, RIGHT?

SO FIERCE!

I’M OUT OF VODKA TONIC!

ME TOO! BARTENDER! TWO VODKA TONICS! MAKE THEM LIKE … FIERCE!

THEN LET’S DANCE!

LET’S WAIT UNTIL THEY PLAY BEYONCÉ!

OH MY GOD SHE’S SO FIERCE!

SHE’S TOTALLY FIERCE! SO ARE YOUR SHOES. OH MY GOD, I LOVE YOUR SHOES!

I KNOW, RIGHT! I CAN’T REALLY WALK IN THEM BUT THEY’RE CRAZY SUPER FIERCE!

I LOVE THEM!

THEY COST MORE THAN MY CAR!

THAT’S SO FIERCE!

9:48 pm - Wed, Oct 17, 2012
4,079 notes
I CAN’T BLOG WITH THESE DAMNED FINS AND COMPUTERS DON’T WORK UNDERWATER.
I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS INSIDE OF ME!
SHAAAAAAAAARK TEEEEEEEEARS.

I CAN’T BLOG WITH THESE DAMNED FINS AND COMPUTERS DON’T WORK UNDERWATER.

I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS INSIDE OF ME!

SHAAAAAAAAARK TEEEEEEEEARS.

6:54 pm
1,107 notes
SOMETIMES I THINK EVERYTHING I DO IS A FRAUD, YOU KNOW? LIKE I’M GOING THROUGH THE MOTIONS OF BEING AFFECTIONATE, OR EMPATHETIC, OR ENTERTAINING, WHILE ON THE INSIDE I’M ONLY READING LINES, STRUGGLING TO MAINTAIN THE FAÇADE. LIKE EVERYTHING’S JUST AN ACT THAT I’VE REHEARSED. 
I UNDERSTAND. I TOO HAVE FEELINGS OF ARTIFICIALITY.
YOU’RE A GOOD LISTENER, HORSEY.
MAYBE I JUST PRETEND TO BE.

SOMETIMES I THINK EVERYTHING I DO IS A FRAUD, YOU KNOW? LIKE I’M GOING THROUGH THE MOTIONS OF BEING AFFECTIONATE, OR EMPATHETIC, OR ENTERTAINING, WHILE ON THE INSIDE I’M ONLY READING LINES, STRUGGLING TO MAINTAIN THE FAÇADE. LIKE EVERYTHING’S JUST AN ACT THAT I’VE REHEARSED. 

I UNDERSTAND. I TOO HAVE FEELINGS OF ARTIFICIALITY.

YOU’RE A GOOD LISTENER, HORSEY.

MAYBE I JUST PRETEND TO BE.

4:30 pm
3,237 notes
PAUL, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? IS THAT LOU? YOU KILLED LOU?
HE WAS 27 YEARS OLD AND COULDN’T FIGURE OUT THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN “YOUR” AND “YOU’RE” STEVE! WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO? IT HAD TO BE DONE!

PAUL, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? IS THAT LOU? YOU KILLED LOU?

HE WAS 27 YEARS OLD AND COULDN’T FIGURE OUT THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN “YOUR” AND “YOU’RE” STEVE! WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO? IT HAD TO BE DONE!

(via animalstalkinginallcaps)

8:51 pm - Tue, Oct 16, 2012
821 notes
7:02 pm
1,474 notes
WE’RE GOING TO MCDONALD’S? BOOM! CHICKEN NUGGET DANCE! 

WE’RE GOING TO MCDONALD’S? BOOM! CHICKEN NUGGET DANCE! 

4:28 pm
225 notes

The following two weeks on ATIAC,

as I run solely on coffee and panic, trying desperately to get this book together, will be a combination of the daily new jawn or two, combined with a couple of past entries that for one reason or another won’t be finding their way into the pages of the print version of this tumblr.

Like a ‘greatest hits’ type thing, only not really because they’re just arbitrarily selected posts based on a failure to secure print permissions. 

But hey, that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy them. To most of you they will be new, since you haven’t been following this thing for over a year. To Stacey, Abi, Ms. Spinning-Around, my lovely wife and those of you that have …

I cannot thank you enough nor express an adequate amount of incredulity that you would have stayed on board this lurching ship of absurdism and idiocy for that long.

I love you, and thank you.

Thank all of you.

We’ve get a pretty damned good thing going here.

Enjoy the oldies, and take care of each other. It’s rough out there.

3:32 pm
4,523 notes
WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON’T LIKE BON IVER?
THAT DOESN’T EVEN MAKE SENSE! HIS EXPERIMENTAL YET RUSTIC CHAMBER POP IS AKIN TO A FOREST LULLABY!
PITCHFORK GAVE HIM A 9.5! A 9.5 OUT OF 10!
THE SCALE ONLY GOES TO TEN!
WHAT YOU’RE ADMITTING IS TANTAMOUNT TO SOCIAL SUICIDE!
WHAT’S NEXT, A BIKE WITH GEARS? SENSIBLE FOOTWEAR?
BOW TO THE PREVAILING TASTE CONSENSUS! 
CONFORM TO A COMMODIFIED RUSE OF INDIVIDUALISM AND AUTHENTIC PREDISPOSITION OR GET OUT OF THIS TOWN!
IS THIS SOME KIND OF PERFORMANCE ART, OR POLITICAL DISSENT? BECAUSE THEN IT MIGHT BE OKAY!
I JUST DON’T FIND IT ALL THAT AMAZING! CAN’T I PREFER RECORDS THAT I PERSONALLY CONNECT WITH AND ENJOY?
NO, THAT’S RIDICULOUS!
JOIN US OR DIE!

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON’T LIKE BON IVER?

THAT DOESN’T EVEN MAKE SENSE! HIS EXPERIMENTAL YET RUSTIC CHAMBER POP IS AKIN TO A FOREST LULLABY!

PITCHFORK GAVE HIM A 9.5! A 9.5 OUT OF 10!

THE SCALE ONLY GOES TO TEN!

WHAT YOU’RE ADMITTING IS TANTAMOUNT TO SOCIAL SUICIDE!

WHAT’S NEXT, A BIKE WITH GEARS? SENSIBLE FOOTWEAR?

BOW TO THE PREVAILING TASTE CONSENSUS! 

CONFORM TO A COMMODIFIED RUSE OF INDIVIDUALISM AND AUTHENTIC PREDISPOSITION OR GET OUT OF THIS TOWN!

IS THIS SOME KIND OF PERFORMANCE ART, OR POLITICAL DISSENT? BECAUSE THEN IT MIGHT BE OKAY!

I JUST DON’T FIND IT ALL THAT AMAZING! CAN’T I PREFER RECORDS THAT I PERSONALLY CONNECT WITH AND ENJOY?

NO, THAT’S RIDICULOUS!

JOIN US OR DIE!

4:22 pm - Mon, Oct 15, 2012
1,202 notes
BOYS RUBBING THEIR VELVET OFF RIGHT IN THE OPEN! GIRLS PRANCING AROUND WITH THEIR TAILS UP LIKE A BUNCH OF GRAZIN’ HUSSIES! IT’S DEPLORABLE BEHAVIOR, AND QUITE FRANKLY I BLAME THE LIBERAL MEDIA. WE NEED A RETURN TO GOOD OLD FASHIONED HERD VALUES IN THIS COUNTRY.

BOYS RUBBING THEIR VELVET OFF RIGHT IN THE OPEN! GIRLS PRANCING AROUND WITH THEIR TAILS UP LIKE A BUNCH OF GRAZIN’ HUSSIES! IT’S DEPLORABLE BEHAVIOR, AND QUITE FRANKLY I BLAME THE LIBERAL MEDIA. WE NEED A RETURN TO GOOD OLD FASHIONED HERD VALUES IN THIS COUNTRY.

12:05 am - Sat, Oct 13, 2012
18,881 notes
NOW IS THE TIME. THIS IS THE HOUR. OURS IS THE MAGIC. OURS IS THE POWER.
NOW IS THE TIME. THIS IS THE HOUR. OURS IS THE MAGIC. OURS IS THE POWER.
NOW IS THE TIME. THIS IS THE HOUR. OURS IS THE MAGIC. OURS IS THE POWER.
THE SAME UNDERNEATH AS IT IS ON TOP.
… THAT CAN’T BE THE WAY THAT GOES, SARAH.
IT’S SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO MEMORIZE THE RITUAL BOOK.
I KEEP FORGETTING IT IN MY LOCKER.

NOW IS THE TIME. THIS IS THE HOUR. OURS IS THE MAGIC. OURS IS THE POWER.

NOW IS THE TIME. THIS IS THE HOUR. OURS IS THE MAGIC. OURS IS THE POWER.

NOW IS THE TIME. THIS IS THE HOUR. OURS IS THE MAGIC. OURS IS THE POWER.

THE SAME UNDERNEATH AS IT IS ON TOP.

… THAT CAN’T BE THE WAY THAT GOES, SARAH.

IT’S SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO MEMORIZE THE RITUAL BOOK.

I KEEP FORGETTING IT IN MY LOCKER.

4:20 pm - Fri, Oct 12, 2012
4,589 notes
OH, CHILD. DO YOU THINK FASHION IS ABOUT CLOTHING?
IS POLITICS ABOUT PUBLIC SERVICE? IS SUCCESS ABOUT ARTISTIC INTEGRITY?
EVERYTHING IS A GAME, SWEET THING. AN ATTITUDE. A GLORIOUS AND WONDERFUL SHOW.
ACT THE PART, OR YOU’LL BE WAITING FOREVER FOR A CALLBACK THAT NEVER COMES.

OH, CHILD. DO YOU THINK FASHION IS ABOUT CLOTHING?

IS POLITICS ABOUT PUBLIC SERVICE? IS SUCCESS ABOUT ARTISTIC INTEGRITY?

EVERYTHING IS A GAME, SWEET THING. AN ATTITUDE. A GLORIOUS AND WONDERFUL SHOW.

ACT THE PART, OR YOU’LL BE WAITING FOREVER FOR A CALLBACK THAT NEVER COMES.

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