ANIMALS TALKING IN ALL CAPS

I KNOW THAT YOU LOVE ME. I JUST FEEL LIKE YOU’RE ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT OTHER WOMEN AND HOW PRETTY THEY ARE AND THEN WHEN WE’RE TOGETHER I WANT TO JUST FOCUS ON HOW GREAT YOU FEEL BUT I CAN’T STOP THINKING THAT MAYBE YOU WISH I WAS THAT GIRL FROM THE CREST WHITESTRIPS COMMERCIAL, OR THE GIRL FROM THE NEUTROGENA COMMERCIAL.

OR THE GIRL FROM THE TACO BELL COMMERCIAL.

OR THE GIRL FROM THE COVER OF MAXIM.

OR RIHANNA.

OR EVA MENDES.

OR MY FRIEND CHERYL THAT YOU TALKED TO AT LUKE AND CARRIE’S WEDDING.

OR THAT GIRL FROM PARTY DOWN THAT YOU ALWAYS GO ‘UNNNNNGH’ AT WHENEVER SHE’S ON THE SCREEN.

OR EVERY GIRL ON MAD MEN EXCEPT PEGGY BUT SOMETIMES PEGGY TOO.

OR STACEY LONDON.

I MEAN, WE CAN’T EVEN WATCH OLD WHAT NOT TO WEAR EPISODES BECAUSE YOU KEEP PROPOSING TO STACEY LONDON AND I CAN’T HEAR HER ADVICE ABOUT MID-LENGTH SKIRTS.

IT JUST MAKES ME FEEL NOT VERY PRETTY SOMETIMES, YOU KNOW?