ANIMALS TALKING IN ALL CAPS

NO WAY. NO WAY IN HELL.

IT’S A PREFERENCE, GREG. AN OPINION. I AM ENTITLED TO THOSE, YOU KNOW.

YOU ARE, DAVID, AND IF YOU WERE SAYING SOMETHING LIKE “I LIKE HAVARTI MORE THAN SWISS IN A WAR OF CHEESES” OR “MICE TASTE BETTER THAN PIGEONS” OR WHATEVER, I WOULD RESPECT YOUR VIEWPOINT.

BUT BECAUSE WE’RE TALKING ABOUT PORTISHEAD YOU CAN’T EXTEND THAT SIMPLE COURTESY.

YES! YOU CANNOT LIKE THIRD MORE THAN DUMMY. NOBODY SHARES THAT OPINION BECAUSE IT’S … WRONG. IT’S LIKE SAYING “I PREFER DROWNING TO SWIMMING.”

MAYBE I DO. MAYBE I LOVE DROWNING. MAYBE I’D RATHER BE DROWNING RIGHT NOW THAN TALKING TO YOU.

I FEEL LIKE YOU’RE JUST BEING ARGUMENTATIVE BECAUSE I ACCIDENTALLY SHIT ON YOU EARLIER. I GOT EXCITED ABOUT FINDING THAT FRENCH FRY. IT JUST HAPPENS. I CAN’T EXACTLY CONTROL IT.

I CLEAN MYSELF WITH MY TONGUE, GREG. THERE ARE VERY FEW THINGS YOU CAN DO TO PISS ME OFF, BUT THAT’S PRETTY HIGH UP ON THE LIST.

I KNOW. I’M SORRY. I REALLY AM. DO YOU ACTUALLY LIKE THIRD MORE THAN DUMMY?

OF COURSE NOT. DON’T BE RIDICULOUS.