ANIMALS TALKING IN ALL CAPS

MISS ORNATA, THANK YOU FOR COMING. WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT BILLY’S BEHAVIOR.

NOT ONLY IS HE AN INVETERATE FIDGETER, HIS TEACHERS FEEL HE IS FAR TOO CURIOUS ABOUT SUBJECTS OUTSIDE THE CORE CURRICULUM. HE HAS VERY FEW FRIENDS AND ALMOST NO INTEREST IN SPORTS. HE APPEARS BORED AND OFTEN WORKS AHEAD ON CHAPTERS NOT YET COVERED IN CLASS. IF THIS WERE THE 1980S WE’D SKIP HIM AHEAD A GRADE OR TWO OR PUT HIM INTO A PROGRAM FOR GIFTED OR ACADEMICALLY TALENTED STUDENTS, BUT THESE DAYS WE RECOMMEND ELECTROSHOCK THERAPY IN CONJUNCTION WITH A BATTERY OF ADHD DRUGS.

AFTER ALL, MISS ORNATA, WE CAN’T HAVE FIDGETERS. IT DISTRACTS THE OTHER CHILDREN.