ANIMALS TALKING IN ALL CAPS

OH YEAH, I THINK THAT CHAD NOODLEBACK AND AVRIL LAVIGNE COLLABORATIVE RECORD IS GOING TO BE AMAZING. I CAN’T WAIT FOR IT.

Because you’re Canadian?

NO, BECAUSE I’M DEAF.

I WON’T ACTUALLY HAVE TO EXPERIENCE THE HORRIBLE TORTURE OF THE RECORD ITSELF, BUT THE AGONIZED SCREAMS AND WOEFUL GROANS OF THE MILLIONS OF PEOPLE WHO ACCIDENTALLY HEAR THE SINGLES ON THE RADIO WILL BLEND INTO SOME SORT OF STEADY, VIBRATORY HUM THAT I CAN FEEL IN MY GUT AND FINGERTIPS, AND THAT WILL BE LIKE MUSIC TO ME.

WAY BETTER MUSIC, OBVIOUSLY, THAN CHAVRIL COULD POSSIBLY PRODUCE.