ANIMALS TALKING IN ALL CAPS

I’m here with Snap Clawson, a local lake resident, to speak about this weekend’s tragic events. Mr. Clawson?

WELL, LIKE I SAID, IT’S SHOCKING, AND OBVIOUSLY ANY SENSIBLE CRUSTACEAN HOPES SOMETHING LIKE THAT NEVER HAPPENS AGAIN, BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY IT’S NOT ABOUT ME AT ALL AND I THINK OFFERING MY UNSOLICITED OPINION, EVEN JUST SOME ROTE OUTPOURING OF PRAYER OR CONDOLENCES, ONLY CONTRIBUTES TO THE PROFOUND NARCISSISM OF THE MODERN AGE. IN A TIME OF SENSELESS TRAGEDY I THINK IT’S BEST TO JUST GO HOME, TURN OFF THE COMPUTER OR THE TV AND REFLECT ON THE EVENTS FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS WHILE PROFESSIONALS GATHER ACTUAL FACTS, INSTEAD OF IMMEDIATELY TOSSING YOUR TWO CENTS IN THE RING OR CLIMBING UP ON A SOAPBOX. I’M NO EXPERT … ON ANYTHING REALLY … AND I THINK THE WHOLE SITUATION AND THE WAY IT’S HANDLED SHOULD BE ABOUT THE FAMILIES, WHO PROBABLY JUST WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE IN THEIR GRIEF RATHER THAN BOMBARDED WITH POINTLESSLY HORRIFIC NEWSCASTS OR INTERNET MEMES THAT WON’T DO ANYTHING TO BRING BACK THEIR LOVED ONES. IT JUST SEEMS MORE RESPECTFUL TO STAY QUIET AND GET TO WORK ON CHANGING THE LEGISLATURE OR THE CULTURE THROUGH LEGITIMATE ACTION RATHER THAN MAKING BOILERPLATE FACEBOOK STATUS UPDATES OR INTERVIEWS LIKE THIS ONE.

THAT BEING SAID, I DO HOPE THAT FISHERMAN ROTS IN HELL.

Indeed. Thanks so much for that exceedingly rare opinion. Back to you, Jim.