Hello. Look at your shiny hair and alluring eyes. Man oh man, you look good right now.
You know who doesn’t look good? Me, in this video, because I am full of beer in it.
It is seven minutes long because beer makes people slow and foolish.
If you do not have seven minutes, here is a list of fun bullet points to summarize:
- I do not drink beer in the morning.
- I do, however, feed crows every day.
- I recently found out my mother has cancer, but I think she will live (maybe).
- I could use some help sourcing photos and organizing book things.
- If you live in Seattle, WA and want to help, I will cook you food or buy you beers.
- The Dark Knight Rises was as long as Alex Haley’s Roots. It was also fuckin’ bleak, y’all.
- Beer makes my eyes itchy.
- Anne Hathaway, I love you. Platonically but also in a sex way, but only sort of, because I’m married, but definitely, because you’re Anne Hathaway, but not really because I’m married, but still kind of, but I would never, but I want to, but I wouldn’t. Also, my name is Justin. Nice to meet you.
- Email your animal photography or other commentary to email@example.com and there is a 34% chance I will reply to you within 60 days.
- Don’t follow me on Twitter.
- Let’s all take a day to not be depressing dickheads and just kind of think positive, for our own mental well-being, and to help illustrate that the information we receive/dispense and the ways in which it is framed shape our overall perception of life’s inherent hostility or hopelessness, and also because I could use a break for five minutes, because Tumblr is full of SADZ and DICKHOLES.
- Dear god this video never ends. It just goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on …
- You can come to my house.
- I love you.